Thursday November 1

Funnily enough, even though I went to bed without dinner last night, I was not hungry when I woke up this morning. Leanne had made me an omelette so I wrapped it in foil and took it with me.  I ate it about 10 but even then I only really ate it because it didn’t feel right still not being hungry.

Also I was to preoccupied on my anger and depression yesterday that I forgot to mention  the exercise I did. Ben and I went for an hour walk early in the morning. Later in the day I did another 20 minute walk as well as a very slow  5 minute run.  I am keen to start getting more exercise happening now, although I am conscious of not trying to over do it or have goals that are unachievable.

The rest of today was a real struggle. I didn’t eat my lunch because I am over avocado. Ive never been the biggest fan unless it is guacamole. Initially the chicken salad we were having was great but for some reason it is now full of avocado and I am just not interested in eating it. I haven’t been taking snacks with me because i haven’t needed them, but I could have used them today.

It was a real mental struggle. I thought I was going to relent, I really wanted to eat something I am not meant to. I drove past kfc, hungry jacks and mcdonalds at different stages and at any moment I felt I could have relented. I knew I could survive the day but I knew feeling like this was going to lead to trouble down the track. I just wouldn’t be able to keep my will power up day after day.

Everything had been going so well that I started to wonder if this was my own doing. Was it the fact that I had started eating less or skipping meals, even though I didn’t feel like them at the time. Should I have kept eating these meals even though I wasn’t hungry to make sure I didn’t end down this path. Or was it more a symptom of the low I was on at the moment and I was just looking for that quick fix to bring me out of that black hole. I was rational enough though to know that it wouldn’t help and would only make things worse so I stayed strong.

I worked until half past eight as that was when Taylah finished work. By the time we got home I was really hungry but I didn’t really feel like eating healthy. Leanne had made a keto friendly chicken parmigiana. It didn’t look very appetising and I was feeling quite despondent about the whole thing. As it turned out it was quite delicious and after finishing dinner all my negative feelings had dissipated and I was feeling like I can do this. Lets face it I haven’t had that many bad days which I have found surprising, so I should take this one on the chin and be aware that just because I am feeling weak at a specific time, doesn’t meant I will continue to feel that way. I also believed skipping dinner the night before may have played a big part in how I felt today.

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